Rei Ryuugazaki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
theoryandcalculation) wrote2016-01-06 01:13 am
theoryandcalculation) wrote2016-01-06 01:13 am
Entry tags:
Drabble thing
Just a quick ficlet about Rei's first night after getting injured. I wanted to write it back before Inu's closing but only just got around to it.
I'm not totally happy with it but I just wanted it out of my head.
***
Pain.
That’s what woke Rei up. For a moment he wasn’t sure where he was, his vision blurring and swimming from the pain that pulsed through his whole body. Didn’t he only injure his arm and his legs? Why did his head, and his neck, and his back, and every other part of him hurt so badly?
After a moment, he was able to focus on the bunk above him. He was back in his room, in his bed. It was where he’d been when he fell asleep, but he couldn’t shake the fear that it’s not where he would wake up.
Pain.
It scattered his thoughts way from him, pushing them out of reach. What had he been thinking about? Falling asleep?
He tilted his head just enough to see. He wasn’t alone. He could see a lump that was probably Rin on the lower bunk, and just barely he could make out a bigger lump up top. Sousuke. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, but his vision wasn’t usually this bad. It was just hard to see, because of the-
Pain.
His glasses. He wasn’t wearing them, so where were they? Maybe Nagisa took them. Or maybe Rin. He can’t remember much from the last several hours. Mostly just flashes. Rin telling him to rest. Nagisa crying, unaware that he was awake. People moving around him, discussing in hushed tones what to do. Or he thought that was what they were talking about. He remembers someone bandaging his leg, at some point, but not who that was. He just remembers it hurt-
Pain.
There went his thoughts again. Had he been thinking about his injuries? Back home, with injuries this bad he might not be able to walk again. That would really ruin his pole vault- no. He reminded himself he was a swimmer now. It was absolutely incredible that he could forget something like that.
He wanted to sleep, but his whole body was on fire and his mind was racing. If he were back home, he’d be in a hospital with injuries this bad. They’d probably put him on a heavy painkiller. Morphine. It’s easy to get addicted to morphine. Like heroin. Rei always swore that he would never be in enough pain to request such a dangerous drug. But that was before he really knew what kind of pain a person could be in. He would take it now. He wished for some.
Pain.
His thoughts slipped past his fingers again. What had it been this time? Heroin? Why would he think about that? Maybe it was something else. Heroine? English had words that sounded close like that, just like Japanese.
He wondered if Rin would correct his pronunciation of “heroine” too. He does that when Rei tries to speak English. Rei still remembered the way Rin’s voice sounded as he corrected him that day. “Kiss me, kiss me,” the words falling off his lips so soft and round.
Pain.
The pleasant thought of Rin was gone now. Rei’s mind whirled. He hurt so much. He wondered if his legs were tearing apart at the knees. He wondered if he would die.
Maybe dying would be nice.
If he died here, he could come back in a few days. Good as new. The pain would be gone, the injuries would be gone. He would feel so much better. He would still be able to jump- still be able to swim. He wouldn’t be a burden on his friends. The pain would end.
“I want… it to end…”
“Rei-chan!?”
Nagisa’s face swam into view. He’d been dozing in a chair next to Rei’s bed the whole time. Rei didn’t have the presence of mind to realize that.
“Rei-chan, what’s wrong?” Nagisa asked, looking a little frantic.
Rei couldn’t find the voice to answer that. He started to cry instead, whimpering pathetically. None of this was beautiful. He didn’t mean to wake Nagisa up, he didn’t mean to worry him, he didn’t want to be seen like this. He just wanted it all to be over.
“What’s wrong!?” Rin’s voice. He could hear Sousuke too. Now he’d woken them all up. Rei wanted to make himself small, but he couldn’t move. His body was stiff.
“It’s probably the pain,” said Sousuke. He of all people would know. That’s what Rei would think later. Right now he could only whine in agreement.
“Shit.” A beat of silence punctuated by Rei’s pained sobs. “I’m going to go find something for him.”
No, Rei wanted to say, but he was too late. Rin and Sousuke were gone. He didn’t want them to leave. He didn’t want them wandering around out there because of him. What if something took them like it took Makoto?
“Shh, Rei-chan. They’ll be back soon, okay?”
Rei could feel Nagisa’s thumbs on his cheeks, wiping the tears away. He focused on the face of his best friend, who was trying to smile through his own tears. Rei hated that he made Nagisa look like that. But for the first time that night, he thought dying might not fix that.
He wished he could at least smile back for Nagisa, but he didn’t have the strength. He didn’t have anything left to give.
“It’s okay,” Nagisa repeated, like he could read Rei’s thoughts. “Rei-chan is hurt right now, so just let us take care of you.”
Pain.
He lost track of time after that. All he felt was the endless ache tearing him apart, and the comforting swipe of Nagisa’s thumbs on his cheeks. All his earlier thoughts were scattered so far he could never hope to bring them back. He couldn’t even remember what they were waiting on. But it didn’t matter, because he couldn’t sleep, so all he could do was wait.
Pain.
“We’re back.”
Rei tried to look, but he couldn’t see. He hoped they were okay. They sounded fine.
Nagisa removed his hands – Rei whined, almost petulantly. It wasn’t beautiful.
“Hey, Rei.” And now someone else was sitting on his bed. He leaned over so Rei could see him without craning his neck. Rin, holding up a small plastic bag with four white pills inside. “I traded for these. There’s only four though, so we can only use them when you really need them.”
Rei understood. So he meant it when he wheezed out one word.
“Now.”
“Yeah, I know now.” Rin was already getting one out. Sousuke handed him a bottle. Somehow, they got one of the pills down Rei’s throat with some water. Rei’s throat was so dry he almost choked on it. Sousuke said something about keeping him better hydrated.
Once he finally swallowed the pill, the pain was still there. Rei was becoming more and more convinced that it always would be.
He started to cry again.
“It’s going to take about fifteen minutes to start working,” said Rin, and he looked a little like he was about to cry himself. He put a hand on Rei’s head, stroking his hair. “I’m so sorry I can’t do more, Rei. I’m sorry.”
Rei wanted to ask why he was apologizing, when Rei was causing all the trouble.
Pain.
But it was lessoning.
Rin had moved away, and now Nagisa was back. Nagisa gently held his hand, and stroked his free fingers throught Rei’s hair. It was comforting. The pain slipped further and further away. It took his consciousness with it.
He hoped there wouldn’t be many more nights of this.
I'm not totally happy with it but I just wanted it out of my head.
***
Pain.
That’s what woke Rei up. For a moment he wasn’t sure where he was, his vision blurring and swimming from the pain that pulsed through his whole body. Didn’t he only injure his arm and his legs? Why did his head, and his neck, and his back, and every other part of him hurt so badly?
After a moment, he was able to focus on the bunk above him. He was back in his room, in his bed. It was where he’d been when he fell asleep, but he couldn’t shake the fear that it’s not where he would wake up.
Pain.
It scattered his thoughts way from him, pushing them out of reach. What had he been thinking about? Falling asleep?
He tilted his head just enough to see. He wasn’t alone. He could see a lump that was probably Rin on the lower bunk, and just barely he could make out a bigger lump up top. Sousuke. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, but his vision wasn’t usually this bad. It was just hard to see, because of the-
Pain.
His glasses. He wasn’t wearing them, so where were they? Maybe Nagisa took them. Or maybe Rin. He can’t remember much from the last several hours. Mostly just flashes. Rin telling him to rest. Nagisa crying, unaware that he was awake. People moving around him, discussing in hushed tones what to do. Or he thought that was what they were talking about. He remembers someone bandaging his leg, at some point, but not who that was. He just remembers it hurt-
Pain.
There went his thoughts again. Had he been thinking about his injuries? Back home, with injuries this bad he might not be able to walk again. That would really ruin his pole vault- no. He reminded himself he was a swimmer now. It was absolutely incredible that he could forget something like that.
He wanted to sleep, but his whole body was on fire and his mind was racing. If he were back home, he’d be in a hospital with injuries this bad. They’d probably put him on a heavy painkiller. Morphine. It’s easy to get addicted to morphine. Like heroin. Rei always swore that he would never be in enough pain to request such a dangerous drug. But that was before he really knew what kind of pain a person could be in. He would take it now. He wished for some.
Pain.
His thoughts slipped past his fingers again. What had it been this time? Heroin? Why would he think about that? Maybe it was something else. Heroine? English had words that sounded close like that, just like Japanese.
He wondered if Rin would correct his pronunciation of “heroine” too. He does that when Rei tries to speak English. Rei still remembered the way Rin’s voice sounded as he corrected him that day. “Kiss me, kiss me,” the words falling off his lips so soft and round.
Pain.
The pleasant thought of Rin was gone now. Rei’s mind whirled. He hurt so much. He wondered if his legs were tearing apart at the knees. He wondered if he would die.
Maybe dying would be nice.
If he died here, he could come back in a few days. Good as new. The pain would be gone, the injuries would be gone. He would feel so much better. He would still be able to jump- still be able to swim. He wouldn’t be a burden on his friends. The pain would end.
“I want… it to end…”
“Rei-chan!?”
Nagisa’s face swam into view. He’d been dozing in a chair next to Rei’s bed the whole time. Rei didn’t have the presence of mind to realize that.
“Rei-chan, what’s wrong?” Nagisa asked, looking a little frantic.
Rei couldn’t find the voice to answer that. He started to cry instead, whimpering pathetically. None of this was beautiful. He didn’t mean to wake Nagisa up, he didn’t mean to worry him, he didn’t want to be seen like this. He just wanted it all to be over.
“What’s wrong!?” Rin’s voice. He could hear Sousuke too. Now he’d woken them all up. Rei wanted to make himself small, but he couldn’t move. His body was stiff.
“It’s probably the pain,” said Sousuke. He of all people would know. That’s what Rei would think later. Right now he could only whine in agreement.
“Shit.” A beat of silence punctuated by Rei’s pained sobs. “I’m going to go find something for him.”
No, Rei wanted to say, but he was too late. Rin and Sousuke were gone. He didn’t want them to leave. He didn’t want them wandering around out there because of him. What if something took them like it took Makoto?
“Shh, Rei-chan. They’ll be back soon, okay?”
Rei could feel Nagisa’s thumbs on his cheeks, wiping the tears away. He focused on the face of his best friend, who was trying to smile through his own tears. Rei hated that he made Nagisa look like that. But for the first time that night, he thought dying might not fix that.
He wished he could at least smile back for Nagisa, but he didn’t have the strength. He didn’t have anything left to give.
“It’s okay,” Nagisa repeated, like he could read Rei’s thoughts. “Rei-chan is hurt right now, so just let us take care of you.”
Pain.
He lost track of time after that. All he felt was the endless ache tearing him apart, and the comforting swipe of Nagisa’s thumbs on his cheeks. All his earlier thoughts were scattered so far he could never hope to bring them back. He couldn’t even remember what they were waiting on. But it didn’t matter, because he couldn’t sleep, so all he could do was wait.
Pain.
“We’re back.”
Rei tried to look, but he couldn’t see. He hoped they were okay. They sounded fine.
Nagisa removed his hands – Rei whined, almost petulantly. It wasn’t beautiful.
“Hey, Rei.” And now someone else was sitting on his bed. He leaned over so Rei could see him without craning his neck. Rin, holding up a small plastic bag with four white pills inside. “I traded for these. There’s only four though, so we can only use them when you really need them.”
Rei understood. So he meant it when he wheezed out one word.
“Now.”
“Yeah, I know now.” Rin was already getting one out. Sousuke handed him a bottle. Somehow, they got one of the pills down Rei’s throat with some water. Rei’s throat was so dry he almost choked on it. Sousuke said something about keeping him better hydrated.
Once he finally swallowed the pill, the pain was still there. Rei was becoming more and more convinced that it always would be.
He started to cry again.
“It’s going to take about fifteen minutes to start working,” said Rin, and he looked a little like he was about to cry himself. He put a hand on Rei’s head, stroking his hair. “I’m so sorry I can’t do more, Rei. I’m sorry.”
Rei wanted to ask why he was apologizing, when Rei was causing all the trouble.
Pain.
But it was lessoning.
Rin had moved away, and now Nagisa was back. Nagisa gently held his hand, and stroked his free fingers throught Rei’s hair. It was comforting. The pain slipped further and further away. It took his consciousness with it.
He hoped there wouldn’t be many more nights of this.